Choose your words carefully… (or, you might want to be aware of the law of unintended consequences)

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[Author’s Note: I’m currently on vacation from work, this post was begun on Friday, May 26]

This morning Miss and I were having a discussion.  Every morning when I get up for work, part of my routine is to spend time in the bathroom.  Obviously, I don’t have to be graphic, I’m sure you, my dear reader can understand what I’m doing.  If you can’t, feel free to email me and I’ll fill you in.

Usually, Miss is awake by the time I get up for work (she’s an early riser) and we have a conversation on Facebook Messenger.  She on her phone, I on my tablet.  Over the many months that we’ve been interacting, we’ve gone through several different messaging platforms (Kik, Telegram, Signal) and I’ve been reliably informed that the next preference may very well be WhatsApp.  Unfortunately, my Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 is old enough that it doesn’t support WhatsApp, so that may not be an option.  Unless I can find a way to upgrade the OS.

The meat of this entry is due to an exchange that Miss and I had in the course of our conversation.  A lesson if you will, about choosing one’s words carefully before expressing them.  Normally, I generally think about what I say before I say it, though when I think about it, usually it’s trying to get the gist of what I’m saying across, not necessarily the tone or how my audience is going to react to it.  Since no two people react the same way to stimuli, it’d be near impossible to make sure that no one was ever slighted.  However, this morning, that wasn’t the case.  So here I am writing about it.

We were discussing a mutual acquaintance that had recently gotten into the lifestyle, but her method of doing so seemed a little, well, ‘scattergun’ for lack of a better term.  She had joined FetLife and had put down (as people do) her interests, but they all seemed to be bent on finding a sugar daddy, or someone that would breed her, and it was definitely rubbing both Miss and I the wrong way.  Giving someone the keys to the candy store, and watching them go in a completely opposite direction that you expected isn’t something that anyone likes to see, especially when Miss took this young woman under her wing and…well you get the picture.

In the midst of this conversation, I made a comment (more of a lament) that I’d spent years looking on FetLife as well as many other places for someone in the scene that I could interact with, play with and build something with, and wasn’t able to find what I was looking for.  The fact that there are people that with very little knowledge of the lifestyle, within a matter of weeks and sometimes days find exactly what they’re looking for, boggled me.  I didn’t say it annoyed me, but really it does.  It’s a peeve of mine.  What I wasn’t expecting was Miss’ reaction to it.  Taking offense to it.  Her exact words were “What am I, chopped liver?”  Well of course not, but that wasn’t my point either.  When thereupon asked what that point was, I stated that it was a bit of frustration on my part, over time lost, but Miss reminded me that what I’m seeing are people that are jumping into a situation that will most likely not be around in a year or so, that she and I are on a long-term path, and oh btw, you (meaning me) now have what they have and perhaps you might be a little more appreciative of it.

And right there was the law of unintended consequences.  I apologized for not thinking before speaking and suggested that perhaps I needed to write this down, if not just to remember it better, but to let it sink in better.  Think before you speak, and don’t spend time feeling sorry for yourself.  Work towards a better future and be grateful for what you have.

Again, Miss, I’m sorry.

 

2 thoughts on “Choose your words carefully… (or, you might want to be aware of the law of unintended consequences)

  1. I read something just this weekend, it said : “Make sure you keep your words sweet, because you might have to eat them someday!” I thought it was wise. 😀

  2. I couldn’t agree more nijntje. This was very well written and as I said before I accept your apology. Thank you for this.

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