Month: August 2018

Full Circle

Reading Time: 3 minutes

After dragging my old desktop out of purgatory and setting it up again for daily use, I was left to figure out what to do with the laptop I was no longer using.  My plan was to reformat the hard drive and reinstall Win10, but being me, I didn’t do anything with it for a couple of weeks to be sure how this ‘new’ desktop was going to work.  Fortunately, nothing seems to be going amiss with it, so last night I decided to finally bite the bullet and do the deed of getting rid of the old (after having backed up the old hard drive information) and starting anew.  One of the things I needed to do was get a program off the web called Magical Jelly Bean.  What it does is, if you can’t remember where you put the CD key for your Windows installation (and if you happened to not put the sticker that came on the box onto your computer) you can use this program to find it in the hardware of your machine.  It can also locate keys from other programs that you have installed on your computer, and even better it’s what’s called ‘freeware’, meaning that literally, it’s free, you don’t have to pay for it.  Which is pretty neat, I have to admit.

Using the bean program, I got my CD key information, took a deep breath and went to work.  Using the same flash drive that I’d used for reinstalling Windows on the desktop, I accessed the boot sector on the laptop and reinstalled Windows there too.  Oddly enough, this time it didn’t ask for my CD key, like it had with the desktop.  It just booted from the flash drive, installed the operating system without a hitch and rebooted again.  Cortana, the Microsoft Alexa type assistant, popped up and spoke to me about getting the computer set up.  Figuring ‘what the heck’, I used it and got the laptop set up pretty quickly.  After the last reboot I went into the software to check and sure enough it stated that Windows was registered.  I’m thinking that Win10 was able to detect the CD key information from the computer BIOS, so that it didn’t have to actually ask me for it.  So long as they’re satisfied that I purchased the software, I’m ok with it too.

My thought this morning was to possibly dual-boot the laptop for Win10 and Linux Ubuntu.  I’ve been meaning to try Linux again, but (as usual) have been a little lax with getting it done, and having a computer starting over from scratch, it will be a prime candidate for such an experiment.  It’s been a long time since Linux was using RedHat solely, I fiddled around with Ubuntu once before, but wasn’t really satisfied with it.  It’s worth it to see if I can get it to work now.

Still life

Reading Time: 3 minutes
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Picture Credit: BedBathandBeyond.com

I’ve never really considered myself to be photogenic.  I look critically at pictures of myself, because really, I’m the one that sees me best (or worst).  My girl decided that she wanted a couple of pictures of me to hang in her room.  I let her pick out which ones, and told her that I would print them out and frame them for her.  She agreed and I went frame shopping.

I’ve purchased frames before for artwork, and I’ve even considered dabbling in matting pictures, except for the fact that the tools that are required for matting are fairly expensive.  Fortunately, you can get frames from a variety of different places, both online and off, and some even come pre-matted.  You just have to get the right cut-out for your picture, and be sure that what you have fits the matting space.  Too, you have to be sure that it will look better matted, there are some pictures and scenes that look better without the matting, as it adds space around said picture.  So it’s a judgment call, if anything.

Add in the cost of photo paper, since you want what’s being put inside the frame to be aesthetically pleasing for a good long time as well.  For the longest time I had a Kodak ink-jet printer, that did a fantastic job printing out pictures.  The Epson that I recently purchased has done just as well, I’m quite pleased with the product that it produces, though the cost of ink (as with many printers) is a little prohibitive, but in order to get quality, you have to pay a little extra on some level for it.  Such is the nature of the beast.

So, I’ve managed to get two frames of fairly good quality, they’re pre-matted and I printed off the pictures that my girl wanted.  Placed them in the frames being sure they’re straight and level, and now all I have to do is get them to her.  I showed her what one looked like, but I’m leaving the other as a surprise.  I think she’ll be pleased with the end result.

 

The more you overcome the plumbing…

Reading Time: 2 minutes

…the easier it is to stop up the drain.  That’s an adage that I’m intimately familiar with if only because I like to putter and change things on my blog as well as elsewhere.  I’d been thinking off and on for several months about linking this blog with a couple of my Tumblr feeds.  Since I had time today, I went ahead with a tentative deployment of that initiative.  With mixed results.  I was able to add one feed without too much of a problem, except that when the feed uploaded, all the entries didn’t have a title, so they came up as (no title) on the post list.  Since you can’t bulk edit post titles, I had to edit each one individually.  Too, I had to change the categories, tags and so on.  Fortunately I didn’t do one of my larger feeds, that has well over 2000 entries on it!

All was well until I went with the second feed a couple of hours later.  The feed loaded fine, but while I was editing, disaster struck.  I went to edit one and it kicked back an error about selecting a default language that I didn’t understand.  And then it just got worse.  Finally I was unable to access the dashboard of the blog at all!  It gave me a couple MySQL errors that I looked up, then went into the guts of my blog from the server end, attempting to understand what I needed to change.  I do (foresight) have a membership to Jetpack, so my site is backed up daily.  However, since I was unable to access the site at all, that didn’t seem to be a viable option.  I was about at the end of my rope, and dashed off a message to their ‘Happiness Engineers’ hoping that they could come up with a solution.  Although just after I sent that, I checked the site again and voila!  It worked!  How it’s working, I have NO idea, but I’m not ungrateful.

To wit, I abandoned the idea of adding Tumblr to my blog.  Not going to mess with what little success I have here.

Levels of Control

Reading Time: 4 minutes

strings.jpgOver the last week or so I’ve been in the dark about a couple of things that my girl has been experiencing.  In her defense, she generally knows what happens when I find out about things of this nature.  I try to fix them.  I’m a guy, its engrained in my make-up.  I find a problem, I seek a solution.  And of course since nothing in this world is free, it generally takes money to accomplish it.

I have to tread carefully here, as I don’t want to reveal too much, or cause embarrassment for my girl, but one of the issues is with her vehicle.  And there have been issues with it before, which I’ve taken upon myself to fix and pay for out of my own pocket.  Yes, she’s promised to repay me and at some point I expect she will, but when one purchases a vehicle that is over 10 years old, there are going to be problems that will crop up more often than not.  But when problems arise, she has a tendency (as I have with certain things) to put them on the back burner.  To procrastinate, either because the funds are not there to repair it, or it’s easier to pretend the situation doesn’t exist.  Either way, that’s a recipe for disaster, and we’re in that realm right now.  I fear greatly right now that she’s going to be in a horrific accident, and the legal system is going to be involved because of it.  Yes, things are really that dire, as was revealed to me yesterday while we were talking about it.  When I asked her how bad it was on a scale of 1 to 10, I figured at the very least she was going to say an 8.  When she revealed it was “way past a 10…” I was understandably a couple of things.  Irate was one of them.

And of course, to make matters worse, she tried to smooth it over.  “It’ll be ok, Daddy”.  Ooo, I really detest that sentiment when applied to something of this nature!  It’s NOT going to be ok unless something is done!  But, she knows that, and she understands better than I do what her financial situation is.  Yes, I know all too well how much wages have stagnated over the past 30 years here in the US.  Certainly in great contrast to the cost of living that keeps going up and up.  I know it’s not going to change much for the better so long as Congress is bought and paid for by the wealthy interests.  Those of us on the bottom are going to continue to be worked to death, and paid a paltry sum for our efforts.  Health care costs, in spite of insurance, is going to continue to take a large chunk of our paychecks, since there’s little interest in changing the way health care is paid for in the US.

Ugh, off on a tangent there, that’s another post for another time.

I want to be clear, I trust my girl.  I want the best for her.  I know I’m a ways away from her and can’t be there to look after her in person.  It’s just not something that’s possible right now.  I hope in the future that will change, but the relationship we have right now, is the best that we can manage.  She wants me to have ALL the control, but it’s not something that I can do from this distance.  In person, sure I could keep BOTH hands on the wheel and be sure that things are taken care of, paid for and so on.  Right now, that’s just not possible.  It grates on me, but I have to weather it.  And I am.  Mostly.

Covet

Reading Time: 3 minutes
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Photo credit: Moolikan on Fetlife.com

While this isn’t exactly a representation of my dream dungeon, it comes pretty close in the terms of being drool-worthy.  The person that amassed this collection is in the process of selling most of it and moving elsewhere in the United States.  When he first posted his pictures on Fetlife, I was (like just about everyone else that commented) floored by the sheer amount of stuff in his playspace.  Just tallying up in my head the costs of the restraints, not to mention some of the stuff that looks custom-made would put the price tag easily in the $8,000-10,000 range.  And now he’s selling it??  Yeah, I thought more than once about putting in an offer, but unfortunately he’s looking for people who are within driving distance of him, and he’s about 1000 miles away from me.

Of course something like this has got me thinking about what I already possess and what I’ve been amassing in my own toy collection over the last year and the previous 30 some odd.  The fact that what I do have, I don’t play with much (and is a considerable source of angst from the wife about how much it all has cost) and basically sits around gathering dust.  I’ve already lost a couple of toys to wear and tear, and age, one of my coveted horsehair floggers essentially disintegrated hanging in my closet.  Too, one day on eBay I happened upon a seller that was parting with 4 identical brand new Humane Restraint sets, none of which had even been removed from their packing cellophane.  Brand Spanking New!  These are the types of restraints one might find in hospitals, mental facilities, the ones that in order to buy, you must have official letterhead, they’re not meant to be sold to the general public.  Of course, the person was asking $400 per set..but damn.  Don’t even ask…I bought them.  But I haven’t used them.  I opened one set, but the other 3 are sitting in the back of my closet, in the same boxes they arrived in.  What am I going to do with 4 sets of restraints, when I only have one submissive?  Damned if I know either, but I have them.

On and on it goes.  Floggers, restraints of metal and leather, chains and I’ve been considering learning how to weld so I can BUILD things.  But the wife isn’t going to be too pleased if I make a steel cage down in the basement, and then have nowhere to put it.  So I put off that sort of plan for a time down the road.  Still, I covet what I can’t have (at the present time).

I’m like a person at a smorgasboard, with a full plate and they just brought out dessert.

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Photo Credit: Moolikan on Fetlife.com

The process of dying and the ones left behind…

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The point of this might be considered moot, since the parent in question died recently, but I’m putting this up here regardless.  One never knows how it might assist another in need.

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How does one go about the business of dying, so that it’s beneficial not only for you, but the ones that you leave behind?  Is it better to try to tie up loose ends before the eventual end, or let bygones by bygones?  That’s something that we’ve been dealing with here (off and on) for the last couple of months.  Not me directly, but indirectly through my girl as she shares with me her experience with a parent that’s getting to the end of his mortal coil.

It’s doubly difficult when there’s been bad blood between the participants in the family.  When someone is getting close to the end, on occasion they wish to go off with a clean conscience, but clearing that might very well end up being less beneficial with the ones that have been wronged.

I have some personal experience with this, in that I have an adoptive brother with whom I’ve been estranged for the last 26 years.  We varied greatly in how to care for our father, my brother was more the ‘warehouse’ type of thinking, get him into a nursing home as quickly as possible, so that he could get his hands on the family fortune.  I was more interested in the ultimate care of the man, given how much he’d sacrificed for both of us, but in the end we didn’t come to terms with our varied thought processes and it created a great rift between us, one that won’t likely ever be truly fixed or buried.  Too much bad blood, really.

My girl was having this problem, because her father was dying.  They’d been estranged for many years, and when he discovered the fact that he wasn’t going to be around much longer, he wanted to make amends and reconnect with her.  She wasn’t very interested in ‘letting bygones be bygones’ and asked me what she should do.  I explained to her that if her feelings on the issue were the same as they had been at the time of the rift, then it wouldn’t really do her much good to recontact him and tell him everything was forgiven when it really wasn’t.  Sure, it might make him feel better, but what was it ultimately going to do to her in the long run?

In the end it was basically decided for her, since her father started to go downhill fairly quickly and ended up passing away about 10 days ago.  I think it’s better off for her in the long run that she didn’t harm herself in giving him something she truly didn’t believe he deserved, just for the sake of assuaging his conscience.  Whatever he thought of her went with him, she will move on as we all do after someone dies.  Stages of grief, relying on those that care about you, and ones that she wishes to share with.

Living is hard enough, without the circumstances of death making it even more difficult.

Change isn’t as bad as you might think.

Reading Time: 4 minutes

My apologies for anyone that might have gotten notification earlier about this post, but I promised my girl I would give her the ability to read it first and be sure the content was ok with her.  Thank you for your patience.

poly-image.jpgRather out of the blue the other day, my girl brought to me a question.  It seems she’s become enamored with someone and wanted to know if that was going to cause a problem between her and myself.  Of course, I knew who the ‘someone‘ was, there has been a fledgling connection between them over the last couple of weeks, but she’s quite adamant that this would only constitute a bf/gf relationship, it would have zero bearing on our own BDSM one.  I’m her primary, also her Owner, so we’re in agreement that anything that goes on takes a backseat to what she and I share.

In a way I’m somewhat relieved that this happened.  It does take some of the burden off me to keep her entertained in the times that she’s not working, and I can be a little less ‘hands-on’ all the time, and be able to devote more time into my marriage, not that it’s particularly lacking.  But marriages require work just like any relationship and they don’t survive very well when one isn’t an active participant.  (As do relationships, even long distance ones, yes pet I’m WELL aware of that fact!)

Insomuch as we’ve been talking about this, would it necessarily be considered a poly relationship?  Well, not on my end, because I would have little to no contact with this person that my girl is thinking about getting more involved with.  He’s in her area, he’s married as well (both he and his wife are into kink fwiw) and THEY consider themselves to be poly.  As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, my wife and I have a quasi-open marriage, in that we agreed a LONG time ago that to stay together, we needed to seek out companionship (in the form of submissives) elsewhere and keep the core relationship, the marriage as the primary one.  Finding people who understand (as well as respect) that dynamic and mindset (as you might imagine) hasn’t been easy.  Add in the fact that I’m not interested in sex, and it just narrows that pool down to the shallow end.  The VERY shallow end, in my experience.

As we’ve been progressing in our conversations about this, my girl has recently been expressing that she’s feeling guilty over having this connection, since she’s able to see him whenever she feels like it, and can only see me when circumstances and finances permit.  Yesterday when she expressed this, I suggested that she was feeling ‘homesick’.  She countered that it’s more of a feeling of ‘Daddysick’, that she’s missing me greatly (it has now been about a month and a half since we met in PA) and really wants to get together again.  We’d been planning on her coming up here either at the end of this month or at the beginning of September, but that had to be put off due to finances on her end.  Too many things to do, to pay for, and a trip north has to be put on the back burner.

I’m very satisfied with how she’s progressing in our BDSM.  Though of course we both wish that it could be done more often, life and responsibilities (and yes finances) just gets in the way sometimes.  Ok, more than sometimes.  But in the end we’re in this for the long haul, so we have to keep our eyes on the prize, which is the future.  So we continue on and figure it out as we go.

This diagram just seemed to fit the flavor of this post, so I thought I’d bring it along for the ride.

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