Which is better?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

My slave and I were having a conversation on Friday evening, and she brought to my attention a fledgling plan that she’d been putting together involving a quick trip to come visit me on my upcoming vacation.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the effort on her part, but there are other things to consider.  While it would be nice to see her for a day or so, I and my wife are in the midst of cleaning the house and getting it ready for company that had already planned to be here, hence the need for my taking vacation in the first place.  Should my slave show up rather unexpectedly, with the whole purpose of being here wanting to spend time with me, I wouldn’t be able to, since I already have my time alloted, if you will.  Money is rather tight to begin with, so a trip here from where she is, is going to cost more than a few bucks for gas.  Too, she’s not going to be traveling alone, so there’s her companions to consider as well.

Believe me, I’m getting very antsy about seeing her as well.  It’s been 11 months now since the last time I saw her, and as I’ve mentioned countless times, our intent in this relationship was based on seeing each other several times a year, not just once.  One cannot adequately build on extremely sporadic meetings.  Believe me, I tried this already twice and it didn’t work out very well either time.  Doing this sort of thing at a distance quickly becomes tedious, as you’re basically left with domination/submission from afar, and there’s little or no way to really build anything that will last.  Sure, there’s daily communication, but it’s not a good substitute for some things others that have daily face to face contact may take for granted.

If I was living on my own, more than likely, she would already be here.  But with the wife in the mix, some things have to take precedence.  My slave already understands most of this, as we’ve talked about it more times than either of us would really care about, I expect.  Just another wrinkle in this relationship of ours.

Personally, I want time to work on things, build on what we were working on last year and have alone time, play time, and even down time together. Can’t really have that if you’re only in each others’ company for a few hours and then gone again.  That’s like teasing in a bad way.

That’s my thoughts on the issue, at any rate.  It may not be preferable to wait in the short-term, but you get more ‘bang for your buck’ if you make it worthwhile in the long run.

4 thoughts on “Which is better?

  1. Well, that’s a multifaceted issue for sure. Since your wife was in the lifestyle and she is obviously a big piece in this puzzle, have you tried discussing this with her? She may have insight or suggestions that are much more meaning full since she will be the person closest to having all the other information and also the person who’s time you will be encroaching on.

    As to time, i can think of many things that you can do that are not of a sexual nature but will reinforce the dynamic face to face especially since your wife would understand what was happening if she was agreeable of course.

    I don’t know the types of things in your specific dynamic of course but if you have incorporated service and you are in the midst of tidying up …. plenty of kink could be added to chores i would think.

    Anyway, the short of it FWIW is an opportunity lost is an opportunity squandered.

    1. I’m glad to see that you’re possibly seeing my entries immediately, rather than many moons down the road, so you can respond. Thanks for doing so. You always have something positive to contribute and I look forward to your many insights.

      It is a multi-faceted issue, I’ll most definitely agree. One of the many problems about involving my wife in the conversation is quite frankly, she doesn’t wish to be involved in my relationship with my slave/submissive/pet. Other than being aware she exists and interacting with her intermittently (they’ve spoken on the phone a couple of times when I’ve been present) for the most part they stay separate. That’s pretty much how we’ve always worked with the dynamic, even when she had submissives of her own visiting, and in one instance living with us.

      I’m certain I mentioned this in passing or in a post somewhere, but sex isn’t a big part of my interpretation of BDSM. Really, physical, sexual interaction doesn’t happen. Not as a ‘cherry on the top’ at the end of a session, or even in passing, tapping my submissive on the head and expecting fellatio. Doesn’t interest me, and I’ve communicated that to my slave and she’s accepting of that wrinkle. I know most people find that weird, but this is my form of the scene, and it works for me. That’s all that matters.

      The crux of what I was writing about was frustration more than anything else I suppose. When we got into this relationship, there was even then the understanding that distance was going to be a factor. Unless both parties are well off financially, getting together was going to be an ‘on again-off again’ prospect at best. I’ve done LDR relationships before, where my submissives were 5 and 6 hours distant, but meetings were made and arranged, but there wasn’t 8, 10, 12 months between them. Even so, getting together 3-4 months apart had an effect on our relationship as I kept having to go over the same ground over and over because we really weren’t ‘moving forward’ as partners. They would arrive, there’d be ‘getting to know you again’ time, a play session, then more downtime, a meal and then bedtime. (Usually, these were weekends) The next day, a bit of sightseeing, or just ‘us’ time, another play session, and if the visit extended to Monday (not always the case) the evening process would repeat. And she’d leave either Monday morning or Sunday night depending on her scheduled needs.

      I think I get where you’re coming from on the topic of cleaning. Since she’s my slave, she could come to visit and I could ‘work her’ as a slave in that capacity to assist me in getting the house ready for company. That’s true, it could be done in that way, but I’m not certain it would work out in the application of same. She already cleans people’s houses in the course of her work, so having her come here to clean mine seems a little, well, cruel in respect. Though she might find it to be perfectly adequate, she tends not to complain about these things, even when she’s at work and clearly being taken advantage of by her clientele. More than anything else, -I- would have a problem with it. So perhaps best to shelve that particular activity for the time being.

      Agree with you on the idea of service and chores being married, though in our dynamic and my preference if she’s doing something for me where she is, and I’m here, something is lost in the doing, and praise (if any) that comes with a ‘job well done’. I much prefer it to be done in my presence, so I can enjoy it, she can get positive feedback and so on. On occasion, I like watching golf, baseball, or other sports. I’d rather participate in them, however.

      Finally, I’m not certain I agree with your last point. An opportunity lost is just that, lost. It’s not necessarily squandered since squandering by its very nature suggests wanton disregard for an opportunity. And that to my mind is not what’s happening here.

      Thanks for writing.

  2. UGH!! I do hate that I can never seem to get or find your responses, then I never know if you have gotten mine! Anyway, vent over!

    Not having your wife involved, even in just a friendly conversational way, and yet involved simply due to proximity must be a challenge! I didn’t know she was completely out, even just to talk, sorry.

    I remember that sex doesn’t play a part for you, which in my opinion is just fine, I do/fall into that category myself from time to time when thinking of BDSM and so I was hopeful you could find other fun/torments to use on your slave but like you said, the fact that she cleans for a living certainly changes the dynamic of that action as well!!

    Lastly, I guess in my mind (again I haven’t/hadn’t all the info) the idea of letting this opportunity go by even though it’s less than ideal, when it has been so long already and you really have no idea when it might happen again, is almost like disregarding it because it doesn’t check all the marks. Of course I have since learned that topless dusting while sporting chains and perhaps weighted clamps attached to a spacer bar and cuffs might reek a bit too much of the everyday and not fulfill the hanging out together sight seeing you like to do when not actively playing. So there is that!

    Sorry for the delay, but I did find you eventually! 🙂

  3. Yes, I’m really pretty frustrated with the fact that you can’t seem to find my replies and sometimes posts, but I can see yours all the time. I’ve gone over and over with WP.com about it, then WP.org since the .com people say it’s a .org problem since I host my own site, and it just goes round and round.

    It’s been a complicated dance for the last 24 years. Ever since we switched up the dynamic after my ‘epiphany’, we’ve had to make some changes and compromises about how all of this was going to work.
    The issue I have with LD ‘additions’ to play is that I’m not really participating, and that irks me. Sure, she could take video of her doing things to herself, and I can watch surreptitiously, but doing it that way has never appealed to me. Again, I equate it to watching a sport and playing a sport. Playing (to me) is much more enjoyable. So that’s that basically. I don’t think I explained her job very well however. She doesn’t ‘clean houses’ for a living, she’s more of a home health care aid. The clients tend to take advantage of the loopholes and have her clean their houses. Cheaper than a maid (or cleaning service), and sometimes one can get the medical insurance arm to pay for it. Win-win (for them).

    I did happen to read on another blog about some ideas that piqued my interest insofar as what can be done when you’re in an LDR and there’s no quick and easy way to get together. Keeping things fresh was the definite topic the blogger was relating, and if I can remember the name/website of the blog I’ll probably reference it either here or elsewhere in a future time.

    I understand that you’re trying to help and I’m pleased that you are. You’re a great friend and I love reading your blogs, on ALL topics. I lament each time you relate about your medical maladies, the occasional reversals about your kids and yes the flooding that you’re currently dealing with! It all makes interesting reading. Thanks my friend!

Your comment is always welcome here...thanks!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.