Category: Relationships

Scouting out sites for play

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Even though I don’t get the opportunity all that often to play, due to the necessities of the LDR that I’m presently in, it doesn’t stop me from looking around and planning ahead for when the time comes for us to be together.  Even though I live in a house that’s nearly 200 years old, it wasn’t necessarily designed with BDSM play in mind.  The rooms for the most part are small, with high ceilings, and the construction of the walls and ceilings aren’t really conducive towards adding things like anchor points or what would be called ‘hard points’ in the trade, ie: items or things that can be used for tying rope or attaching chain to when restraining someone.

I suppose I could get some lumber or a shipment of pipe and construct a piece (or several pieces) of furniture that would do the same thing (or purchase one from a variety of sellers I’m aware of).  Too, I’ve been contemplating taking welding classes so I could in the far-flung off future create my own diabolical devices, but that’s a ways off.  This is more about places elsewhere that we can play, that would sort of be off the beaten path as it were, and wouldn’t necessarily involve trespassing or being caught in places we’re not supposed to be, either by the landowners, or by the police type authorities.

There are several play-spaces nearby that can be utilized, and I have one scene friend in particular who has in the past offered me use of her in-home dungeon.  I did a favor for her a couple of years ago, and she graciously offered me use of her play space.  I didn’t take her up on it at the time, since the situation between my slave and I was in a different space, and I wasn’t entirely certain she was going to be visiting.  As it turned out I was right.  She didn’t and I wasn’t in need of the space at that time.  I’d have to check to see if the invitation is still open (fairly sure it is), and then make use of it if we’re both agreeable.

The only roadblock to using the play-spaces I alluded to in the previous paragraph is, they’re public play-spaces and usually would be active with a play party of the organization at the time.  They’re not rent-able by private parties, so my girl would have to be comfortable playing in public and at this juncture I’m fairly certain she’s not.  So, while a good idea, it’s going to have to be shelved for the time being.  But waiting also has its downfalls, as play-spaces don’t always stay open long-term.  People get out of the scene all the time, things happen and places close.  It all can be pretty fluid like in all things.  It has a lot to do with money and people getting older and less interested at times.

There’s one place where I live that I would dearly love to either rent or purchase, because it would be ideal for a play space of my own.  It’s an old meat-packing building, though it sits in the off-side of town, and there are residential houses nearby.  Even so it could be easily converted for use, although there have been rumors of it being used by homeless people over the years, and it’s probably in pretty cruddy shape by now.  To me, if I came into a good chunk of money, I’d probably take the chance, but I’ve never been inside the building, so it’s a pipe dream at this juncture.  Just something I’ve always wondered about, thought about and dreamt of.   I actually equate it to the former studios of Insex on J Street in Brooklyn.  Oh, if those walls could talk!

New friends and application of the rules

Reading Time: 3 minutes

On my slave’s Fetlife account, she has a profile.  In that profile, it details a good deal about her as well as touches on different portions of her ‘Fet Life’ so far.  One of the things I require her to have in it is what someone needs to do if they wish to ‘friend her’ on the site.  Specifically, they need to read her profile in its entirety and follow the directions embedded within.  If they can’t manage to do that, then they don’t deserve to be on her friends’ list.  That seems very fair if you ask me.  If you can’t do the work, you don’t get rewarded.   Her ex couldn’t manage to do this, so he didn’t get friended.

As in most social networks, or even personals sites, women’s in boxes get flooded.  Unless a male is offering something really special, their inbox hardly ever gets mail.  It’s been that way ever since I started before there was an established Internet and more than likely it will remain that way for as long as I’ll be online.   Just one of ‘those things’ you accept as being the norm and deal with it.  The reason I’m mentioning that is, my slave gets probably a good amount of mail from prospective people who read her profile to a certain extent, see her pictures or in other ways have interacted with her and wish to be part of her ‘inner circle’.  Others are hangers-on, or just want to add her to their friends’ list and never contact her again.  Like me, she’s not a friend collector, so her list of people she interacts with is small.  Myself, I’ve been on Fetlife for the better part of 10 years now and my own friends’ list numbers no more than 60 at any given time.

Every now and again she asks me if someone can be added to the list.  I decide on a case-by-case basis.  It’s an odds on bet that the person in question hasn’t necessarily followed the rules, and they’re asking for an exception to be made.  Or it’s someone she met at a munch or some other sort of get-together that she’s been to.  So I’ll scoot over to their profile, have a look-see, and if everything seems to check out, and I don’t feel there’s something untoward in their profile, I agree she can add them.  Of course, if after being allowed into the ‘inner sanctum’ they start to misbehave, or begin to make overtures about her interactions with them, I’ll inevitably hear about it.  My girl knows on which side her ‘bread is buttered’, she’s not going to just go off with someone because they have a good line or two to lay on her.  She’s content in being owned by me, she’s not interested in being owned by anyone else.  And that’s the way it’s going to always be.

Social networks are a great way for we as people to interact, to be in contact and to make new friends.  Even so, as tools, they need to be used with great care and respect.

Remedy

Reading Time: 2 minutes

The other day when I was at work, sitting in the breakroom after the end of my shift, I was texting to my slave.  She was at her workplace and lamenting over the fact that she was feeling tired, having not slept enough the night before (this is a recurring problem)  Being me, I had a remedy in mind that would work just fine in perking her up, though at the time I wasn’t entirely positive that she’d be interested in doing it, and I wasn’t about to jeopardize her job by having her be caught by a client doing something out of the way and out of bounds in what she should be doing.  So I mentioned I had a solution but wasn’t certain if she wanted to hear about it.  She (predictably) was curious and asked what it was.  I checked that she was sure she wanted to know.  She replied, yes, she did. To wit, here’s the conversation…As you might be able to tell, she wasn’t completely fazed by my suggestion. It wasn’t an order specifically, but she wanted to do it and she was good about it and obeyed. She was back a few minutes later and informed me that it worked like a charm. She was no longer tired, as a matter of fact, she was aroused, feeling very submissive,  and happy to have connected with me in this way.  Not that we need our bond solidified more than it is, but when you’re unable to be together whenever you wish, you have to make changes, create opportunities when and where you can.

After that, I went on home and she returned to work.  But it made us both smile.  And that’s a win in my book.

FB Jail

Reading Time: 2 minutes

After having trouble with the group on Facebook, I thought I would post some pictures to get the party going again.  Well, apparently that was a bad move.  At least with one of the pictures.  I wasn’t even considering implications, but I just landed in Facebook Jail.  Here’s Why:

FB-Jail I have to admit this is the first time I’ve ever been censored like this on Facebook. When I was posting this picture in concert with the other ones, it didn’t even occur to me that there was going to be a problem. Now that this happened it makes sense considering that A) It’s a public group, and B) Facebook has gotten a lot more restrictive over the years. Definitely not the Wild West it used to be.

I’ve made references about how bad its gotten over the months with making everyone adhere to specific requirements as well as making sure that any content is nearly G-rated before anyone else can see it.  Have to protect the kids, I suppose.  To the point that kids aren’t going to be able to fend for themselves when they grow up.  Between Tumblr and Instagram censoring and eliminating people’s accounts for what they term to be ‘questionable content’, and many people who have kink inclined interests being relegated away from ‘free’ sites, I just wonder at the end what the whole world is going to look like online and be like.  The Internet was supposed to be a place where anyone was welcome, and could share themselves.  Now I understand of course there are certain aspects of people’s lives that probably shouldn’t be shared, but sometimes self-policing is better than allowing the ‘thought police’ to have their way.

Anyway, I’m banned from posting or comment on FB for the next 24 hours.  Believe me, it’s not going be too much of a hardship.

Stay on topic!

Reading Time: 4 minutes

I don’t as a rule spend a great deal of time on Facebook, but the times that I go there, I check on a few things, then leave again for the better part of day or more.  I’m a member of quite a few diverse groups, and yes, some of them are kink related.  Though I do my best to relegate the ‘kink’ portion of my life from the interests of vanilla people who I’m related to, friends with on Facebook, simply because it’s a conversation I really don’t think I need to be having with them.

One of the groups that I have been a member of for many months is ‘Friends who like Steel Restraints’.  It’s mostly a picture sharing group, with an occasional post from someone detailing their interest with the topic.  So far as I can tell, there’s one Admin, she’s submissive, but is fairly active.  In the last week there’s been a couple of members that have been posting pictures that are most definitely off-topic.  Yes, they have references to BDSM in them, however none of them have steel restraints, which is the topic of the group.  The member that keeps reoffending is from the Middle East, so I can pretty much guarantee that English is not his primary language.  Seeing as I’ve been berating him for his pictures for the last week, he’s been on occasion messaging me asking what my problem is, and why I’m so irate over his pictures.  I keep explaining over and over that his pictures are inappropriate for the group.  But he just doesn’t get it.  Too, up until yesterday, I was pretty much the only one in the group (of over 4,000 people) who has said anything negative.  Usually there are comments like “Nice” and “Wish it was me”  and so on.  I suppose many people are just too polite to mention that he’s not following the rules of the group.

Late last night, someone in the group had ‘liked’ my comments and observations, and then the offending pictures disappeared by this morning.  I had found one of the original posts by the Admin and asked if she was interested in sharing duties as Admin, if she was feeling overwhelmed.  I never got a reply from her, so I guess she feels that she’s got a good handle on the situation.  Which is fine, it’s her baby, let her deal with the brouhaha.  Also this morning, someone posted a series of pictures that were dead on with the topic of the group, so not only did I thumbs up it, I also commented thanking her for posting it.  She replied while I was at work, and I answered.  She hasn’t replied to that reply, but that’s ok.  I posited some theories about Gor, as her username started with ‘Kajira’, and I have some knowledge of the Normanian universe.  Read the books at an earlier time in my journey.

Chained-together20180627_233225.jpgThe few pictures that I’ve posted to the group have been well received, and even now a couple of months later, people are still commenting and liking them.  So I know I, at least am on the right side of the angels.  I really didn’t want to leave the group, as the topic is something I’m very interested in.  Just want it to be good for everyone there, without being tainted by either bad apples, or clueless figs.

It can’t be just me that thinks…

Reading Time: 4 minutes

…Tumblr really hasn’t changed all that much for those that mostly post porn. Sure there are far fewer naked’y’ [explicit] pictures but for the most part, the pictures that are posted on the strictly porn accounts still have nudity, leather, latex, rubber and other styles of dress, just for the most part the nudity is from the side, or from the back, not front-facing. So, the Tumblrgeddon that occurred this past December wasn’t as far-reaching or disastrous as we all expected. Add in the knowledge that Verizon seems to understand they sort of ‘cut off their nose to spite their face‘ in this, and they’re already looking for a buyer to take the platform off their hands. Whoever they find to buy it is going to be getting a bargain, since their foray into censorship has cost Tumblr a good third of their clientele. A lot of people moved off the site after the censorship of late last year. Sites like pillowfort, BDSMlr have taken a lion’s share of their former kink friendly accounts. Even on my feed (I backed up all of my accounts but being me, I didn’t delete any of them) I can see a pile of deactivated accounts being referenced by some of the ones still active, reblogging the same pictures over and over.

Whether or not that will change with the selling of the platform is anyone’s guess. The buyer might prefer to keep the service as clean as it can be, given that it’s a pretty open site, to begin with. How else would those that were interested in adult-friendly services (and service) have started to use it for their purposes? Tumblr didn’t start out being a G-rated site. If anything, it seemed to be a step up from Stumbleupon, another site that I used to use (and still have an account on, though I haven’t been there in ages). Similar premise, but they did it a little differently (much like the difference between VHS and Beta) and ended up becoming more popular. It’s always hard to tell what’s going to work and what’s not. I mean, people in France put mayo on their fries and wouldn’t dream of using ketchup. Here in the US, I had never heard of putting gravy on fries until I moved to where I’m living now. Pop is sometimes soda, and soda is sometimes soda water. Cats and dogs living together…Mass hysteria!! (ahem…sorry, got carried away there a bit)

Even so, a site like Instagram has looked at the Tumblr model, and instead of seeing a bad idea, they decided to jump on the bandwagon. Many kink-friendly accounts that have been there long-term are starting to get pushed out, and are taking their business elsewhere. I’ve posted about catering to the Lowest Common Denominator before and I believe this is systematic of that problem. Instead of treating everyone like adults, we’re attempting to treat them as children, ie not offending anyone if we can help it. Instead of allowing people to make their own informed decisions, we’re allowing companies and entities (and yes governments too!) to both legislate and dictate what’s acceptable and what’s not. That’s pretty high school thinking, to my mind. Making the majority of the popular ones (which end up being a minority) decide for the rest of us. That never works out for the best, since the majority rarely has the best interests in mind. Usually, it’s their best interests they’re considering and to hell with the rest of us.

All in all, I’m not certain where Tumblr is going to go. But it will be interesting to see how it all pans out.

Which is better?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

My slave and I were having a conversation on Friday evening, and she brought to my attention a fledgling plan that she’d been putting together involving a quick trip to come visit me on my upcoming vacation.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the effort on her part, but there are other things to consider.  While it would be nice to see her for a day or so, I and my wife are in the midst of cleaning the house and getting it ready for company that had already planned to be here, hence the need for my taking vacation in the first place.  Should my slave show up rather unexpectedly, with the whole purpose of being here wanting to spend time with me, I wouldn’t be able to, since I already have my time alloted, if you will.  Money is rather tight to begin with, so a trip here from where she is, is going to cost more than a few bucks for gas.  Too, she’s not going to be traveling alone, so there’s her companions to consider as well.

Believe me, I’m getting very antsy about seeing her as well.  It’s been 11 months now since the last time I saw her, and as I’ve mentioned countless times, our intent in this relationship was based on seeing each other several times a year, not just once.  One cannot adequately build on extremely sporadic meetings.  Believe me, I tried this already twice and it didn’t work out very well either time.  Doing this sort of thing at a distance quickly becomes tedious, as you’re basically left with domination/submission from afar, and there’s little or no way to really build anything that will last.  Sure, there’s daily communication, but it’s not a good substitute for some things others that have daily face to face contact may take for granted.

If I was living on my own, more than likely, she would already be here.  But with the wife in the mix, some things have to take precedence.  My slave already understands most of this, as we’ve talked about it more times than either of us would really care about, I expect.  Just another wrinkle in this relationship of ours.

Personally, I want time to work on things, build on what we were working on last year and have alone time, play time, and even down time together. Can’t really have that if you’re only in each others’ company for a few hours and then gone again.  That’s like teasing in a bad way.

That’s my thoughts on the issue, at any rate.  It may not be preferable to wait in the short-term, but you get more ‘bang for your buck’ if you make it worthwhile in the long run.