Tag: bdsm-play

Mothballs

Reading Time: 3 minutes

After my rather upbeat tome about upgrading my playspace, I received some rather sobering news. My new playmate has had some recurring issues with close family members afflicted with life-threatening illnesses and has made the decision that she (at least for the foreseeable future) will not be available for further play. So, bang goes that opportunity.

Too, my slave has discovered that it may very well be until the end of 2020 before she can make it this far for a visit, though I have to admit she has been making leaps and bounds into the process of finding a way up here. It’s not simple when you have limited funds, oodles of bills and such and you’re in a depressed area to begin with. Consequently, it seems a waste of time and resources to update or upgrade a playspace that’s going to be covered in dust (again) by the time anyone is available to be using it.  Quite honestly, I find that to be incredibly sad.  Though not really unexpected, given how often I’m ever able to express my kink in the physical sense.

There are times when I’m tempted to chuck the whole thing and just ‘retire’ like the wife did several years ago.  She increasingly became despondent about finding someone with whom she could express her kink, play for lack of a better term and just said ‘enough’.  Her toy collection was folded into mine, although every time I drag out the toy bags she laments about this toy or that being the ones that she brought into our house/relationship and I always say that she can have them back whenever she says the word, but she never does.

Within the last several days my slave received a message on Fetlife from someone in my area, who thought it a good idea to interject himself into our relationship, merely because he was having an impossible time finding someone to interact with on a kink level.  Basically he was saying “hi, you don’t know me, but I think I know you from somewhere.  IF you and Leathers were interested in using me as a practice toy for your play in the future, I’d greatly appreciate it, since it’s been 30 years since I’ve been in the scene, and I haven’t found anyone to play with.”  She brought it to my attention and I had to write him, telling him that while I understand it can be a bitch problem with finding someone compatible, oftentimes it’s better not to put yourself (uninvited) in someone else’s relationship merely because you’re feeling desperate.  As of this writing he’s not deigned to reply.  Not sure he ever will.

So, for the time being the playspace will be relegated to darkness and dust.  Again.  At least I was able to get some padding for the floor in case there’s a need for it to be used.  And the heater works again.  I suppose it’s probably for the best I didn’t do too much work in that area, as more than likely there are going to be furnace installers in the basement in the coming months, switching out and probably upgrading our furnace, and who needs questions about all the equipment there?

Time and Experience

Reading Time: 2 minutes

I was thinking the other day, since I don’t have an active partner to play with, at least not here.  Still.  But as I said, I was thinking about all the time that I’ve spent in the scene, and how much of it I’ve actively participated.  When I say ‘participated’, I mean actually being there, with someone else, playing interactively.  Not online, not in a chat room, or on the phone, hot texting one another, or writing elaborate paper mails to one another, then waiting for them to read it several or many days later.  Then waiting again for the return letter and so on.

Actual ‘in the trenches‘ play time.  Where you get your hands dirty (as well as some other things).  Doing a little figuring, I came up with a rather sobering total.  And it wasn’t pretty.  By my estimation I’ve been part of the BDSM scene since I was about 18.  I’m not going to go into the nuts and bolts of that, because it’s not a good conversation to have here.  So let’s say 18 for the sake of argument, or who else might be reading things.  I’m now almost 54.  So that’s 36 years between the two.  In all of that time, what I would term my active experience comes out to a little less than 6 months.   6 MONTHS.  Told you it was a sobering thought.

Even now it makes me wonder how all of that time managed to skate past.  Though I know the old adages; Life gets in the way, finances don’t always come together, and the most often one, there’s no one to play with.  So you just sit back on your heels, live your ‘other’ life, and try to keep your hand in the game, by watching others enjoy themselves, going to munches, networking, doing a little negotiating, perhaps attend a play party here and there, but me, not being the voyeuristic type, doing that is just maddening, because I’m not a good watcher.  And yes, as I’ve mentioned time and again, building up a nice toy collection.  That now as before gathers dust in a couple bedrooms in my house.

Just throwing this out here, since it’s been hanging around in my head for a few days now and I need it out in the open.  Thanks for listening/reading.

Scouting out sites for play

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Even though I don’t get the opportunity all that often to play, due to the necessities of the LDR that I’m presently in, it doesn’t stop me from looking around and planning ahead for when the time comes for us to be together.  Even though I live in a house that’s nearly 200 years old, it wasn’t necessarily designed with BDSM play in mind.  The rooms for the most part are small, with high ceilings, and the construction of the walls and ceilings aren’t really conducive towards adding things like anchor points or what would be called ‘hard points’ in the trade, ie: items or things that can be used for tying rope or attaching chain to when restraining someone.

I suppose I could get some lumber or a shipment of pipe and construct a piece (or several pieces) of furniture that would do the same thing (or purchase one from a variety of sellers I’m aware of).  Too, I’ve been contemplating taking welding classes so I could in the far-flung off future create my own diabolical devices, but that’s a ways off.  This is more about places elsewhere that we can play, that would sort of be off the beaten path as it were, and wouldn’t necessarily involve trespassing or being caught in places we’re not supposed to be, either by the landowners, or by the police type authorities.

There are several play-spaces nearby that can be utilized, and I have one scene friend in particular who has in the past offered me use of her in-home dungeon.  I did a favor for her a couple of years ago, and she graciously offered me use of her play space.  I didn’t take her up on it at the time, since the situation between my slave and I was in a different space, and I wasn’t entirely certain she was going to be visiting.  As it turned out I was right.  She didn’t and I wasn’t in need of the space at that time.  I’d have to check to see if the invitation is still open (fairly sure it is), and then make use of it if we’re both agreeable.

The only roadblock to using the play-spaces I alluded to in the previous paragraph is, they’re public play-spaces and usually would be active with a play party of the organization at the time.  They’re not rent-able by private parties, so my girl would have to be comfortable playing in public and at this juncture I’m fairly certain she’s not.  So, while a good idea, it’s going to have to be shelved for the time being.  But waiting also has its downfalls, as play-spaces don’t always stay open long-term.  People get out of the scene all the time, things happen and places close.  It all can be pretty fluid like in all things.  It has a lot to do with money and people getting older and less interested at times.

There’s one place where I live that I would dearly love to either rent or purchase, because it would be ideal for a play space of my own.  It’s an old meat-packing building, though it sits in the off-side of town, and there are residential houses nearby.  Even so it could be easily converted for use, although there have been rumors of it being used by homeless people over the years, and it’s probably in pretty cruddy shape by now.  To me, if I came into a good chunk of money, I’d probably take the chance, but I’ve never been inside the building, so it’s a pipe dream at this juncture.  Just something I’ve always wondered about, thought about and dreamt of.   I actually equate it to the former studios of Insex on J Street in Brooklyn.  Oh, if those walls could talk!