Tag: #bdsmadults

Gripes my bottom, or MYOFB

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Earlier this week, something happened over on Fetlife that still has me mentally fuming a bit. My girl had posted a picture on her profile of some rope bondage she’d done on herself several months ago, and someone local to her had commented on it. Nothing wrong with that, people comment on pictures they find, and this person was complementary on it. What ensued next was the problem, however. This person privately messaged her to indicate that he might be interested in assisting her with some rope tie practice, and she mentioned (as she’s required to) that any sort of contact has to include me, or at the very least make me aware of it, because after all, we have a relationship, she’s my de facto (agreed upon) ‘property’ etc. consequently, she’s not going to keep this information from me.

Now this person decides to go to my profile on the site and check me out. It’s a public profile, has a synopsis of sorts about me, my viewpoints on certain things, sort of an introduction to anyone that wishes to read it. For the most part, people don’t bother to read male profiles, they read the female ones (and ignore them when emailing them, propositioning them, etc). The same thing happens on personal sites the world over. Instagram, Facebook, CollarMe, OkCupid, even ChristianMingle I expect. What happened next is the thing that rubbed me the wrong way.

He messages her back to say that he’s no longer interested in ANY contact that might involve me, because in his words, “she can do better” than me, and he doesn’t like what he reads on my profile. The latter part I could care less about. He doesn’t know me from Adam, what’s written on my profile isn’t a listing or even a detailed synopsis of me, my life, even my outlook on many aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. If anything, part of it is tongue in cheek, the rest of it is a light overview of my girl’s and my journey over the last year or so. Certainly, nothing that someone could make an accurate understanding of who and what someone is about. Yet, here we are. At the end of his message, he has the utmost nerve to suggest they can still ‘be friends’ and ‘meet up’ at some point in time like that’s the most likely thing that will transpire.

My girl had messaged me at lunch to ask my opinion about the conversation she was having with this joker guy. Her main concern was not upsetting him, setting off some sort of negative impact in her local community, with this fellow being the ‘offended party’. At this point, the only ones offended are me, and my girl. He’s not even in the equation. I logged into her account, read the back and forth, and gave her a basic overview of how I wanted her to reply. Something non-threatening, but to the point of, if he’s uninterested in having me in the conversation as being aware of what’s happening between him and her, then I’m very uninterested in him having any contact with her whatsoever. Bottom line: my toy, my rules. Moreover, there’s a protocol that we have in place that’s laid out very distinctly in her profile, which says basically if you want to converse with her beyond a ‘hello’, then you get in contact with me. If one can’t follow a simple courtesy, then we’re not really interested in associating with them. We’re all supposed to be adults here. Might as well act like it as much as we can.

Appropos of nothing, he never responded to her message, so there’s no way of knowing what he’s going to say or do going forward. If it’s something nefarious, then I can play hardball as well. Honestly, this is not what I wanted to be doing coming up to the Christmas holiday. But sometimes it’s something that needs to be dealt with.