Tag: play-spaces

Wither, Fetlife?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

As a rule, I don’t spend a great deal of time on Fetlife anymore.  As the time passes by between when I had personal interaction with my slave, I’ve been finding it’s becoming less and less important to my life.  And in a way, that’s sad.  But expected.  While I still am kinky through and through, my non-kinky life takes precedence.  Because work, and life in general become priorities since I’m focusing on them more and more.  The adventures in FB Jail just bring that more home to me, that I’m really unable to express myself openly as a kink-friendly person, without their being consequences.

There have been times in the past when I’ve shuttered my Fetlife account.  Well, shuttered is too strong a term.  On several occasions I’ve contemplated deleting my account and moving on, especially the time when I’d been without anyone (yin to my yang and all that) for a period of 5-6 years.  Spending years looking for someone and not finding them takes a toll on you.  Increasingly going to a place where people post about the wonderful times they have, and you’re definitely not isn’t conducive to wanting to go back day after day.  I had the same experience with the website CollarMe/Collarspace.  Though with that particular site, I pretty much knew going in that any ad that I placed wasn’t going to be getting much in the way of traffic.  And I was right, for the most part the only views I got were either from transpeople or people looking for something else than what I was offering.  One accepts that sort of thing after a while.  I leave my ad up there just because I guess I’m too lazy to delete it.  Over the years the same thing goes for Fetlife, I believe.  I’ve changed my profile a few times, have suspended the account twice in 10 years (could never really bring myself to leave) and just recently accepted the mantle of overseeing a group that seems to be in the throes of dying, just doesn’t know enough to be deleted.  Sounds pretty typical, doesn’t it?

In the recent past, I’ve started two munch groups, only to watch the first one thrive for a little while, until apathy killed it.  The second one I started, in the same general area, except for being about 20 miles closer to me, worked for a while, but again apathy was what made it go away.  People are ok talking to one another online, but ask them to meet in a public place, on an evening, having to travel a little bit to get there, and everything seems to go sideways.  Munches work in many places, I’ve just never lived in an area where people are just so unabashedly lazy about wanting to get together.  I swear it works elsewhere!  Just not here.  There’s a play space on the next lake over, that I’ve been to, just not with anyone to play with myself, so that made it boring for me.  (I’m not a voyeur)  However, others were having a good time, and that suggested to me that interaction was working there, and the group was made up of people who knew one another from several semi-local munch groups among the areas of Ithaca, Syracuse and Elmira.

Ultimately, I haven’t decided what I’m going to do about the Fetlife account.  Probably just leave it up and check in on it once a week.  I get notifications via email if there’s something happening in either of the groups I moderate, or if I get a message.  Otherwise, I think it’s just time to do other things.  Have a little fun for once.

Scouting out sites for play

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Even though I don’t get the opportunity all that often to play, due to the necessities of the LDR that I’m presently in, it doesn’t stop me from looking around and planning ahead for when the time comes for us to be together.  Even though I live in a house that’s nearly 200 years old, it wasn’t necessarily designed with BDSM play in mind.  The rooms for the most part are small, with high ceilings, and the construction of the walls and ceilings aren’t really conducive towards adding things like anchor points or what would be called ‘hard points’ in the trade, ie: items or things that can be used for tying rope or attaching chain to when restraining someone.

I suppose I could get some lumber or a shipment of pipe and construct a piece (or several pieces) of furniture that would do the same thing (or purchase one from a variety of sellers I’m aware of).  Too, I’ve been contemplating taking welding classes so I could in the far-flung off future create my own diabolical devices, but that’s a ways off.  This is more about places elsewhere that we can play, that would sort of be off the beaten path as it were, and wouldn’t necessarily involve trespassing or being caught in places we’re not supposed to be, either by the landowners, or by the police type authorities.

There are several play-spaces nearby that can be utilized, and I have one scene friend in particular who has in the past offered me use of her in-home dungeon.  I did a favor for her a couple of years ago, and she graciously offered me use of her play space.  I didn’t take her up on it at the time, since the situation between my slave and I was in a different space, and I wasn’t entirely certain she was going to be visiting.  As it turned out I was right.  She didn’t and I wasn’t in need of the space at that time.  I’d have to check to see if the invitation is still open (fairly sure it is), and then make use of it if we’re both agreeable.

The only roadblock to using the play-spaces I alluded to in the previous paragraph is, they’re public play-spaces and usually would be active with a play party of the organization at the time.  They’re not rent-able by private parties, so my girl would have to be comfortable playing in public and at this juncture I’m fairly certain she’s not.  So, while a good idea, it’s going to have to be shelved for the time being.  But waiting also has its downfalls, as play-spaces don’t always stay open long-term.  People get out of the scene all the time, things happen and places close.  It all can be pretty fluid like in all things.  It has a lot to do with money and people getting older and less interested at times.

There’s one place where I live that I would dearly love to either rent or purchase, because it would be ideal for a play space of my own.  It’s an old meat-packing building, though it sits in the off-side of town, and there are residential houses nearby.  Even so it could be easily converted for use, although there have been rumors of it being used by homeless people over the years, and it’s probably in pretty cruddy shape by now.  To me, if I came into a good chunk of money, I’d probably take the chance, but I’ve never been inside the building, so it’s a pipe dream at this juncture.  Just something I’ve always wondered about, thought about and dreamt of.   I actually equate it to the former studios of Insex on J Street in Brooklyn.  Oh, if those walls could talk!