Tag: relationships

Inhibitions

Reading Time: 3 minutes

As I started my college career in the fall of 1983, the drinking age was still 18. I remember vividly the drunken parties in the dorm that I was in, the freshman football players that managed to destroy a wall between two rooms in order to make a ‘double’ room (and their parents eventually being charged for the damage) while having a ‘load on’ and so on. Beer, being cheaper was usually the alcoholic beverage of choice and it flowed pretty freely at the college. Two years later when the drinking age was raised to 21 (still get a little steamed about that, since it was one day I was able to drink if I wished, the next I had to wait another 17 months) and things changed accordingly. There was still what became ‘illegal’ drinking, but for the most part (unless it was inescapably obvious) the college looked the other way and didn’t overly police the practice.

Naturally, that has almost nothing to do with the topic above. Just laying a little groundwork and background, if you will. I was talking to my slave the other night on the phone before bed, and during the course of the evening, she’d been drinking some wine, a little too much apparently. It managed to loosen her tongue and brain a bit and she became very talkative about a great many things. And of course, as I expected, come the morning and the next time I spoke to her, she didn’t have a recollection of what she said. But I do. Now, I know it was probably ‘the liquor talking‘ for the most part, but when one’s inhibitions are let down, or tamped down either by some force or another, what is said or expressed can sometimes be the whole truth, and it can give a pretty good idea of what that person is thinking and feeling under the surface, or under normal circumstances they would keep to themselves.

Of course, I’m not saying all of this to shame her, as evidenced by the fact that I’m not letting on what she said. That’s exclusively between her and me, and there’s no force on this planet (or any other) that will change it, so don’t ask. I’m merely making an observation here, and relating it for my own recollection, as well as it was interesting to me. Interesting, so I write about it.

And as a caveat. Be careful when you drink. What you say, may very well be to someone who is listening. And remembering.

Crossroads

Reading Time: 3 minutes

I look at the calendar.  Another day passed since I saw her last.  I can still remember what she looked like, what she smelled like when we parted.  I gave her the hat I purchased for myself at the museum so that she had something else of mine to keep close to her.  At the time, we had been planning to get together again in a couple of months.  But that didn’t happen.  Then more suggestions of when to get together.  Those didn’t happen either and winter set in.  

During winter, it was as if there was a wall set up around one of the state borders, and it was made of ice and snow.  Where she lives, it occasionally snows, not as it does in the Mid-Atlantic region where I reside.  Too, her vehicle isn’t completely reliable in many ways, so driving a good distance isn’t recommended.  Another roadblock of sorts, that keeps us apart.  Of course, at this point, we talk about the big bugaboo, money.  Working full-time when you’re living alone doesn’t afford you a lot of ‘mad money’, or funds for outside activities.  Especially when you’re in an industry that doesn’t pay all that well, even when one has the experience.  So saving money ends up being literally nickels and dimes, which doesn’t afford one the ability to be free to travel.  The last two times we got together, I either paid the lion’s share of the costs or accepted what she could at that time afford to contribute.  The first time I rented a car and drove 10 hours to see her.  The second time, we met approximately midway between the two of us.  That time I drove the family vehicle.  I have to admit, I was pretty shocked how much it cost to rent a vehicle for a week the first time.  Astronomical was the word I believed I used then.

As the days count down towards the one year mark for the time we’ve been apart, it makes me more and more melancholy.  Sure, we keep in touch via social media, phone calls, texts and the like, but it’s most definitely not the same thing as being there.  Spending time with her, even if it’s just sitting on the couch, watching television together, or her sliding down off the couch to rest her head on my knee while we’re doing whatever.  Having that physical contact is key, and it’s what we’re missing. I hear about her adventures with her poly family, and honestly, it bothers me that she gets to have adventures, and I don’t.  I’ve been sitting here spinning my wheels for 344 days.  Too, it reminds me of the collar fiasco.  I thought about getting her another one, but if I’m not there to see it, to enjoy seeing it on her, what’s the point?  And besides, it’s another outlay of my money for her benefit.  So it too got shelved.

Finally, I’ve given up shopping for toys.  I have so many here that have no purpose, no use, other than taking up space in the house.  My wife looks at them, then at me, and doesn’t ask the question we both know she’s thinking.  “what are you going to do with all this stuff??”  Honestly, right now….nothing.

Ugh, this is hard to write.  But its harder still to endure.  I have no idea what the solution is, but I am extremely tired of waiting.  And watching.  And observing.  And being left out.

Bedtime.  Good night.

New friends and application of the rules

Reading Time: 3 minutes

On my slave’s Fetlife account, she has a profile.  In that profile, it details a good deal about her as well as touches on different portions of her ‘Fet Life’ so far.  One of the things I require her to have in it is what someone needs to do if they wish to ‘friend her’ on the site.  Specifically, they need to read her profile in its entirety and follow the directions embedded within.  If they can’t manage to do that, then they don’t deserve to be on her friends’ list.  That seems very fair if you ask me.  If you can’t do the work, you don’t get rewarded.   Her ex couldn’t manage to do this, so he didn’t get friended.

As in most social networks, or even personals sites, women’s in boxes get flooded.  Unless a male is offering something really special, their inbox hardly ever gets mail.  It’s been that way ever since I started before there was an established Internet and more than likely it will remain that way for as long as I’ll be online.   Just one of ‘those things’ you accept as being the norm and deal with it.  The reason I’m mentioning that is, my slave gets probably a good amount of mail from prospective people who read her profile to a certain extent, see her pictures or in other ways have interacted with her and wish to be part of her ‘inner circle’.  Others are hangers-on, or just want to add her to their friends’ list and never contact her again.  Like me, she’s not a friend collector, so her list of people she interacts with is small.  Myself, I’ve been on Fetlife for the better part of 10 years now and my own friends’ list numbers no more than 60 at any given time.

Every now and again she asks me if someone can be added to the list.  I decide on a case-by-case basis.  It’s an odds on bet that the person in question hasn’t necessarily followed the rules, and they’re asking for an exception to be made.  Or it’s someone she met at a munch or some other sort of get-together that she’s been to.  So I’ll scoot over to their profile, have a look-see, and if everything seems to check out, and I don’t feel there’s something untoward in their profile, I agree she can add them.  Of course, if after being allowed into the ‘inner sanctum’ they start to misbehave, or begin to make overtures about her interactions with them, I’ll inevitably hear about it.  My girl knows on which side her ‘bread is buttered’, she’s not going to just go off with someone because they have a good line or two to lay on her.  She’s content in being owned by me, she’s not interested in being owned by anyone else.  And that’s the way it’s going to always be.

Social networks are a great way for we as people to interact, to be in contact and to make new friends.  Even so, as tools, they need to be used with great care and respect.

High time for a rant

Reading Time: 5 minutes

I watch the calendar day by day and note that it’s been almost a year since the last time my slave and I were able to be together and see one another in person.  We could have gotten together sooner, but there’s a wrinkle that I’ve had to impose due to financial realities.  The last two times we got together, I pretty much paid for everything.  I went down to where she lived in southern Virginia back in 2017, rented a car, drove down there (10 hours each way) and spent several days with her.  It was great, we bonded, had play time, did some sightseeing, but in the end, it cost me about $1500. (about half of that was the rental car…which even now seems a little obscene)

After that, we kept in touch via online abilities.  Text, video, email, phone.  With an LDR (Long Distance Relationship), you have to keep in touch the best way you can, or things tend to fall apart pretty quickly.  Our plan post meeting was to get together more often, keep things fresh, build on what we had set in place at the face to face meeting. As oftentimes happens, life gets in the way, and time marches on.  So, we didn’t get together again until June of 2018.  That time, instead of me driving all the way to her, we decided that we’d meet ‘somewhere in the middle’.  Since I’m a bit better with logistics, I found a place that was approximately equidistant from both of us and searched for a suitable town/city and then a hotel for our stay.   Since she’d recently moved a bit further north towards northern VA, Harrisburg, PA ended up being the best place to meet. I booked a hotel, got the time off and this time took the family car instead of renting a vehicle.  A bit cheaper, but again I paid for most of the cost of the trip.  All said and done, somewhere between $900 and $1000 for the entire adventure.  

After this second meeting, I had to inform her that I wasn’t going to be able to foot the cost of our meetings anymore.  She had to help out or else it was going to end up being unacceptable for me to continue.  I’m not wealthy, I’m very much blue collar in my finances.  Granted I don’t live paycheck to paycheck, but there has to be give and take in other things than just the BDSM.  She agreed and admitted that she was feeling somewhat guilty that I was paying for everything but her finances were in a poor spot at the time.  Consequently, our plans to get together more often after the June meeting had to be shelved.  Summer passed, then autumn, and now winter has gone by the wayside.  We’re back to Spring, and we’d had tentative plans to meet at the end of this month or the beginning of May.  Those plans included ‘closing the circle’ per se, having her come all the way up here to visit, stay at my house to cut costs, (as well as having her here in my comfort zone) and as before the visit would be 3-4 days.  Any more and we’d be encroaching on The Wife’s patience, and that’s not a good thing to do.

However, between money and other things happening, that’s had to be shelved for the time being too.  It’s getting very frustrating for me.  And for her as well I know.  Relationships are kindled and developed with face to face interaction.  Yes, I’m reminded that couples have managed to stay married and in relationships over long distances through war and strife, through long trips and distances over the centuries when communication was a LOT more spotty than it is possible today.  Still, it’s not the same.  I want to DO things with her, in person, not through text, not through emoticons and messaging one another.  Saying in words, like last night when I put her to bed ~”I come into the bedroom and see you cuddled under the covers, I lift the blanket edge, take the metal shackle and encircle your ankle with it, you can feel the cold of the steel as it steals the warmth of your skin, hearing the lock click as it’s secured, hearing the clink of the chain as it is secured to the bed leg, knowing that you’re secure and going to stay in place all night long”~ is all well and good and engenders nice feelings, but it’s most definitely NOT the same thing as doing it in person.  Which we’d both rather be doing.

I’m not certain what the solution is at this point.  I’m actually about to the point of saying ‘fuck-it’ and put something together willy nilly and go see her.  Just because I’m tired of the situation the way it is, and the way it’s been and continues.  Of course, when I stop being emotional and look at my debt spreadsheet, it brings me back to reality and down to earth.

My pseudonym/name is Leathers, this is my rant and I fully support it.

Collar 2.0, revisited

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Last year I made a foray into collaring my slave.  Given that we’re separated by 3 states here in the US, and she has a job where she interacts with the public a great deal, initially we had decided on something that was, or could be ‘mistaken’ for something less than it actually was.  Unlike fiction, anything can be considered a ‘collar’, per se.  With a previous submissive, we settled on an ‘Eternity’ cuff, a steel circlet that could be made semi-permanent by the fact that it was secured with a screw.  If I had kept the allen wrench that controlled the screw, then (at least in theory), I could control when it was on and when it was off.  If my submissive were creative, and wishing to be ‘bad’, she could get an allen wrench on her own and remove it if she wished.  But we didn’t have that sort of relationship, she honored the cuff as well as the symbolism which it engendered, and I allowed her to have a wrench in case it needed to come off for some reason, unforseen by either of us.  And it worked, for as long as the relationship lasted.  I still have the cuff, she returned it to me about 6 months after we parted ways.

For my current charge, after searching high and low for the ‘right’ collar, I found an artisan on Etsy that crafted jewelry that was both aesthetically pleasing as well as functional.  Granted the artisan in question lives/works in Russia, so getting something from her was going to take some time.  Too, since my slave informed me that she doesn’t so much like a necklace/collar that rides too high on her throat, I had to have a longer than normal version of the collar crafted to accommodate her needs.  All in all it took a little less than a month from the time that I initially contacted the artisan, to the time when the collar arrived in my mailbox.  Fortunately, it coincided with my trip to visit with my girl in Pennsylvania last year and during a little ceremony in our hotel room, I presented her with it and she began wearing it as close to 24/7 as she could.

But then tragedy struck.  The collar was lost during a trip she had made to a local (for her) beach.  To her credit, once it was discovered as missing she immediately went back to the place where she had been (it was close to the middle of the night) to search for it, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be found.  Needless to say, I was less than pleased.  I paid a good amount of money for it, and in the space of a couple of months, it was gone.  Just like that.  I have to admit, it was the first anything of that nature that a submissive of mine lost.  Considering that it was only in her possession for a little over a month, I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to get something else in the same vein.

It’s now been seven months since the last collar escaped.  In that time we’ve had several conversations about ‘when is she going to get a new collar‘.  As before, it’s not an easy answer because it’s not an insignificant investment.  Especially since we now can confirm something that can be removed can easily be lost.  So in spite of the fact that she has a preference for something that’s loose around her throat, I’m thinking that it’s going to be my preference this time, that it be something that’s difficult to remove.  Not impossible, since we’re separated by mileage and hours, but something that requires invested effort to remove.

So, the main purveyors in this genre are Eternity and ROS (Ring Of Steel).  (There’s also Damax on the continent, but due to shipping issues and overseas exchange rates I’m mainly concentrating on domestic suppliers) ROS has a version that’s they refer to as a ‘Stealth’ collar, in that it’s only 1/4″ diameter steel tubing.  Consequently, it tends to be less noticeable, or allows it to fade into the background, as it were.  Of course, as I’ve noticed over the years, it’s usually the person themselves that either call attention to something or not, depending on how they wear it.  If the wearer treats the item as an extension of themselves, then others don’t necessarily look at the item as something unusual. If it’s the reverse, and they’re uncomfortable with it, then it tends to get noticed more often.

In order to do this right of course, I need an accurate measurement (again).  We have a visit planned for the end of April or the beginning of May, so I can get her neck measured and if I’m completely certain, I can send off the order to whichever business I determine is going to give me the best bang for my buck, as well as can have it completed in a fair amount of time.  Small time artisans don’t work on an assembly line, they’re not putting out wares for the masses, at least you hope they’re not.  As the old saw goes; Quality vs. Quantity.

There will be updates.  This isn’t the final decision.

7 months and counting…

Reading Time: 3 minutes

HarmfulFlatEgg-smallIt’s been now seven months since I’ve seen my girl.  Honestly, it actually seems longer.  It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but well, life does have a tendency to get in the way.

The original plan last year was: Get together in either May or June, and then start getting together every couple of months, to keep things fresh.  But of course that didn’t happen.  One month turned into another, and another and another.  Disaster occurred in her life at the end of August, so that sucked in a major way, and I was unable to be there for her when she really needed me too.  Still bothers me that I wasn’t able to do it, but responsibilities here kept that from happening.  After that, it was Labor Day, then the temperatures started to drop and it was not feasible for her to attempt driving in winter weather, since I’m the one that has decades of experience in that, and she has basically one winter season under her belt.  Too, my vehicle is a lot more reliable.  So, more waiting.

I keep reminding myself that I’ve done this before, and I didn’t much like it.  No one likes waiting, and watching, and being on the sidelines, hoping for the time that they can be together.  I know there are others in the same boat, and I’ve often in my mind equated it to WWII soldiers being sent off to Europe and not seeing their loved ones for years.  At least that’s how I work it out in my mind, even though if I don’t really know if it happened that way.  Soldiers and sailors (and marines) got liberty, and leave, but were they allowed to take it in the US in the middle of all that combat?  Did the US military allow that?

I did a little digging on the subject and here’s the result, fwiw.  Your average GI Joe wasn’t allowed to go back home unless there was some sort of extraneous circumstance.  If multiple siblings were serving, and all but one were killed in action, the remaining one was sent home, to continue the family line.  This rule wasn’t in force at the time of The Sullivans tragedy, but several other families benefitted from it later on.  So that’s the answer to that question, in case you were wondering.

Of course I’m getting away from the subject at hand.  As is my custom.  The bottom line is, I’d like to get together more often.  I’m not certain in the current idiom it’s going to happen.  And yes, dear reader, it’s damn frustrating.

 

Happy Anniversary, girl.

Reading Time: 1 minute

It’s been a year since we decided to switch things up. With you taking the bottom role and I being your Top.

We did manage to meet once, back in June. We’d planned for more meetings, but money and life got in the way.

It’s been an interesting journey so far.  I think you can agree to that.  Ups, downs, ins and outs.  We’re working towards our goals, and we’re doing it together.

Happy Anniversary.  1 year down, many more to go.