Contractual obligations

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I’m on vacation again.  But this time I’m using up my vacation days before I lose them from not using them. [Say that 5 times fast]  It’s something I go through every year around this time, due to the fact through my work I’m due 4 weeks of time off yearly.  Technically it’s 160 hours of vacation and 24 hours of personal time.  According to the union contract, (fortunately) it doesn’t have to be taken a week at a time (40 hours).  I can use it sparingly, or in larger chunks.  However, due to the nature of where I work and how short-handed we are (didn’t use to be this way), if I were to try to take off 2 weeks at a time, there would be several peeved off managerial types.  So I make every effort not to rock the boat in that aspect.

It just so happened that this week coincided with monthly inventory, so in theory this could have been a problem taking the time off.  The department manager prefers to have me present for inventory, so I make it a point to be at his beck and call and keep things on the level.  Consequently, this week I worked Sunday & Monday and took off the rest of the week for 3 vacation days and my normal 2 days off.  Next week I have 2 days of vacation and 2 days off, then back to work on April 4-7 to round out the week.  So, 9 days total.

As with all my other vacations, I have lofty plans, which usually almost never come to fruition.  If someone were to give out awards for laziness, procrastination and stubbornness in not getting things done, I’d have a basketful.  Certainly much to the chagrin of the wife, and my slave.  I’m not always spot on with keeping my promises, even if initially they’re made with good intentions.  As always, something to work on.

This morning while I was scanning through blogs I’ve started to follow, I came across one entry where the owner of the blog was railing about the necessity for contracts in BDSM.  Not just railing mind you, but making it quite clear that she believed they were essential for any BDSM relationship to be successful.  Furthermore she seemed quite convinced that the Fifty Shades model of contracts was the best one to be used.  Add in a link to a PDF she’d created with the contract in question (blank of course), and I suppose I shouldn’t have been too shocked to find there were a litany of responders to the post all pretty much agreeing with her.

Honestly, I couldn’t just let that one go.  Had to put my own take on it, though when I looked through the homepage of the blog, it hasn’t been updated since January, so it’s entirely possible my comment is falling on deaf ears.  Furthermore, since all comments to the blog are moderated, it would have to be approved in order to be seen by someone from the outside.

4 days down, 5 to go.

4 thoughts on “Contractual obligations

    • More like spammy trash novel. Regrettably for many, it’s nearly a damned blueprint for their relationship. 😨😲😡

  1. Hi there! This is Alesandra, the creator of the blog being mentioned.

    I replied to your comment on my article today (I’m not sure why it said it hadn’t been updated since January; I update it pretty much weekly). Feel free to check out my response there.

    I’m always encouraging a healthy and respectful discussion about BDSM, so I’m confused if you felt I was “railing”. I never said that contracts were “essential for any BDSM relationship to be successful,” so I’m happy to clear that up.

    I also never said the 50 Shades contract was the best one to be used. I do provide the PDF of it, just because so many people were emailing me about it. Whether we like it or not, 50 Shades has opened the door for many people to find and enjoy REAL BDSM. I try to be welcoming of them, and not alienate or shame them.

    I’d be more than happy to clear up any other issues you have about my article or blog. I’ve been in the lifestyle for a long time, before 50 Shades even came out. I’ve always found the majority of those in the BDSM community are accepting and respectful, and that has always been my aim as well.

    With love always,

    • Hi Alesandra, thanks for replying to my diatribe.

      I did make a point to check out your response there and will be responding to that as well when I have a little free time. One would think when one is on vacation you have nothing BUT free time (since that’s pretty much the whole point) but with me, and my world, that just never seems to happen. Well, almost never.

      Getting back to the meat of the whole thing. I didn’t look at the whole of your blog, but I do believe I looked at the most recent postings and they seemed to be back from January. If I missed newer articles, well I’m certain that happens to us all. My apology for thinking your blog was dormant. I’m pleased to understand it’s not and will make a point to read more of your articles. And probably respond to them, as I, like you think a conversation about WIITWD (What It Is That We Do) is both prudent, and important.

      Yep, I got off the mark again. Getting back to what you responded about: While you didn’t necessarily spell out exactly that “BDSM contracts are essential for any said relationship to be successful”, you sort of alluded to it. At least from what I’m reading. I realize that your article is about contracts, and your support of them, but when you say things like “Everybody practicing BDSM should be free to have a contract.” and “Before you begin any new Dominant/submissive relationship, it’s a good idea to have a contract.” exact quotes from the post) it definitely piques a newbie to think that (at least to my mind) ‘Wow, if I don’t have a contract, I’m doing this wrong.’ Which absolutely isn’t the case. Like you, I’ve been hanging around the BDSM scene for a long time. Pre-internet. Granted I don’t know everything, I’m not a titleholder at IML or rub elbows with the likes of Gloria Brame, Tony DeBlase or Race Bannon (though I have conversed with 2 of the 3) but I have been around.

      Fair enough, you didn’t say that the 50 Shades contract was the best, but it was the only contract form that you provided a template for. Sort of making that the winner by default. Obviously 50 Shades isn’t the first questionable novel that was ever written about BDSM, but seeing as it’s a series that wasn’t very well researched before it was written, it offers a lot of things that aren’t very accurate in terms of how the average everyday, ‘normal’ BDSM relationship would operate. Dominants are not all Christian Greys, we don’t all have oodles of money for amazing dungeon play spaces, we can’t whisk our prospective submissives (experienced or not) to fantastic places to play and so on. Life isn’t more idyllic in a BDSM relationship, if anything it’s damned hard work to make it successful. Just like any other relationship as many of my scene friends can tell you.

      Finally yes, whether we like it or not FSoG has opened the door for many people to discover and enjoy BDSM. Though it has (like Garry Marshall’s atrocious ‘Exit to Eden’ film, Society of O, Gor and others) also brought a lot of people into the scene that really have no concept of what it’s all about, want to take the time to learn, and yes use the scene for nefarious and unsavory purposes. Which I suppose is true of any so called former or current ‘fringe’ society or tangent of interpersonal relationships. BDSM is becoming more mainstream. I just like to hope that while it does, it still retains a measure of what brought it into being in the first place. Not necessarily ‘cookie-cutter’ treatises. That’s my four cents.

      Again, thanks for responding to my post.

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